I just need to forget
by Mactaylorsgirl
Summary: It is  the weekend of September 11 2003,  and the 2 year anniversary of Claire's death and Mac spirals out of control, having drink,drugs and meaning less sex  as his bestfriend for the weekend.


A/N: I started writing this at 03.31am when bored, it inspired me from a fic I read called 'Addiction'. I hope you like.

Summery: It is the weekend of September 11 2003, and the 2 year anniversary of Claire's death and Mac spirals out of control, having drink,drugs and meaning less sex as his bestfriend for the weekend.

Friday September 10th 2003.

That dreaded day was coming closer and closer for Mac and he just wanted the world to eat him up at this moment and come back on Monday where he could forget that it ever happened. It will be 2 years tomorrow since his beloved wife Claire died and all Mac could do was what he was doing at this moment in time, sitting in the office in the afternoon ,repeating his signature on the heaps of paperwork mounted on his desk with watery eyes. He's constantly closing his eyes, trying not to burst into tears, not wanting to show his emotions in a work setting, that is for when he is at home drowning himself in alcohol and looking at pictures of Claire-looking at her beautiful face and remembering the good times they had together. He lets out a frustrated sigh, slams his pen on the desk and covers his face with his palms and sobs. He can't keep it in no more, he misses her so much, he loved her more than his own mother and dare he admit it, his father who was his inspiration to be who he is now but Claire was everything to him, perfect for him. Her beautiful sparking green eyes complemented his green/blue eyes. Her wavy chocolate locks complemented his dark wavy hair. They liked the same things, always said ''I love you'' to each other before both went to work, made love every other day and hardly had any arguments. Mac's mother and father loved Claire and treated them like there daughter and Claire's mother loved Mac like her own son. The worst thing about Claire's death was 3 days later, when Mac was taking out the trash and found a pregnancy test. It was positive, they were going to be parents after about 6 months of trying, they finally did it. Mac sobbed uncontrollably that day,he didn't get a chance to see a scan of his little girl or boy, she died before they had there first scan . They had been trying for a long time and nearly gave up hope-they even went to a fertility clinic to see if it was Mac's sperm was low or Claire's eggs couldn't accept it. But now, he never would have a son or daughter running around. Mac remembered the day she told him she was with child.

_Flashbacks_

Mac and Claire were having a nice romantic dinner and Claire passed Mac a plate with a piece of cake on it, Mac looked confused.

''Claire what's this?''. He frowned.

''Open it and find out''. She grinned.

Mac frowned and opened the envelope and in it was a card saying Congratulations and a picture of a girl and boy cartoon baby. Mac oblivious to anything opened the card and there was a note in the card which read.

''Hello Daddy, you and Mummy finally did it.

You better get saving for my arrival in June,

See you in 9 months Dad,

Love,

Your little girl or boy

xxx

Mac stared at the card, mouth open and a huge smile on his looked up and saw Claire's smile.

''Claire''. He stuttered.

She got up and tightly hugged his body. ''Mac we did it, we did it , we're finally going to be parents''.She exclaimed with glee.

Mac cried, cried happy tears.

''I love you so much Claire, thank you for making me the happiest man in the world again''. And with that, he sealed her mouth with a breathtaking kiss.

''We are going to be great parent's Mac''. She beamed.

''I know love''. He placed his hand on her still flat tummy.''How long gone are you''.Mac asked as he rubbed slow circles soothingly.

Claire turned round leaned back against Mac and placed her small hands over Mac's large ones as they cradled there child.

''The doctor said two weeks, I didn't even realise that I missed my period. I guess I was too overworked to notice but Stella advised me to take a pregnancy test after i told her how i was feeling. I thought it was stupid but i took one just incase, and she was right''.

Mac smiled, Claire and Stella were best friends ever since Mac and Stella started working together, the girls clicked from the start which was a joy to Mac.

''I can't wait to meet the baby''. He sighed.

''Me to Mac, Me to''. She closed her eyes, feeling content in her husbands arms.

_End Flashbacks_

The tears flowed down Mac's eyes as he thought about the baby they always wanted . Mac thought what would it of looked like, who's personality would it take after. He would give anything to have Claire back she was his only true love, he would never love anyone as much as he did with Claire.

''Why, why her''. He wined.A few minutes later, Mac tears began to stop and he heard a knock at the door, he got his keys out and unlocked the door to a confused Stella who noticed his puffy, blood shot eyes- and indication he was crying. He went over to the couch and sat down, cradling his face in his hands again not bothering to keep his emotions from Stella , she was the only one who understood what he was going through as Claire was like a sister to Stella. She sat next to him on the couch and threw her arm around his shoulder , Stella immediately knew what was wrong with him, she pried his hands away from his face .

''Mac look at me''. She softly said.

Mac slowly turned his face to meet her eyes. Green on Green, both sets of eyes forming salty tears. Stella cupped his face in her hands,both her palms at his cheeks and her thumbs rubbing the tears away.

''Mac, we will get through this together, me and you ''. She whispered. ''Claire wouldn't want us to wallow like this would she, you know her she is the queen of partying''. She laughed through tears.

Mac smiled and hugged Stella's body close like a teddy bear,his arms wrapping round her waist and her's one on his back and the other softly twining her fingers through his hair at the back.

''I miss her so much Stella, I can't live without her''. He started crying again.

''Hey, shhh shh don't say that''.She soothed. ''Don't you dare leave me Mac Taylor, this crime lab wouldn't be the same anymore''.''She is still with us Mac, not in person but in your heart you will never forget her , it will get better, I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will gradually move on you can still grieve for her Mac''. She slowly rocked them both.

Mac gently realised Stella, and leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

''Thank you Stella, I don't know what I would do with out you''.

''Well Mac, you don't have to think because i'm not going any where''.

They hugged one last time.

''Mac do you want me to stay over tonight''. She asked.

''I'm going to go straight to bed when I get home, iv not slept for days''.

''Ok Mac I understand but if you need anything even if you just want some company, you know where I am''.

''Thanks Stell'. Mac smiled.

They got on with the rest of there day and Mac felt a little bit better as he let it all out. It was 6 o'clock and Mac decided to go home.

When Mac got home, he noticed his door was unlocked. Mac got his gun from his holster and placed the 12 pack of beer he bought on the table. He wasn't going to get thru this weekend without a little help. He tip toed down the narrow hall way into his apartment to be greeted by his brother Jason Taylor who was passed out on the sofa, syringes covered the floor and cocaine was neatly lined up for the next inhale. Mac could smell the remains of cannabis and noticed the bag of weed and splifs in an ash tray. Mac angry now shook his brother awake.

''Jason, Jason wake the fuck up''. He shouted.

''Huh, huh... Yo Mac how you doing brotha''. He smiled thinking it was normal for him to be there.

''What the fuck are you doing here, I gave you my key for emergency's only and you come here to use my house as a crack house what the fuck Jase''. Mac bellowed.

''Chill man, the bitch threw me out didn't she, thinkin' am cheatin' an all that''.

Mac grabbed Jason by the shoulder and hurled him off the couch, pushing him down the hall way to the door.

''Woah Mac what you doing man''. Jason stuttered.

''You're leaving, I don't need this, not now''. Mac threw him out of the door leaving a confused Jason at the door.

''Where am I going to go, common Mac your my brotha you should help me''. Jason pleaded.

''I don't give a fuck where you go, just get out of my sight''. Mac shouted and slammed the door shut and locked it.

Mac stomped down the hall way, stopping to get the 12 pack of beer and a bottle opener and stormed through to the living room in a angry rage. He sat down on the couch and put a film on.

About half a hour later, Mac had drunk 3 bottle and was feeling the effects, he still felt angry. He needed something to chill him out. He then glanced at the coffee table noticing that Jason left an un touched syringe, a bag of cocaine and weed.

''Fuck it,i need to forget everything''. He said out loud and started rolling a splif.

Mac just smoked the weed into the night until he passed out. He vowed to himself he would leave the syringe and cocaine for tomorrow...

TBC ….


End file.
